Avalanche

It has been a long, difficult week. One of the worst I’ve had in a while…

Many of my friends have been feeling the same way and everyone has an opinion as to why. I’ve been told the explanation ranges from moon cycles to “year-end burnout”. Whatever the cause, I’d like to crawl into bed with a box of tissues, a book and maybe (no, definitely) some chocolate and hibernate for a few weeks.

Not going to happen any time soon… I feel like I am being swept away in an avalanche of responsibilities that I cannot control, nor can I do anything about it. And the more “stuff” that piles up, the less motivated I am to do anything.

The sudden turn in weather hasn’t helped either. I can’t imagine living in Buffalo and being trapped under 8 feet of snow. Just the light sprinkling we had this week sent me reeling. The early setting sun and cold days have not helped my mood either. I’m spending less time outside than normal and I can feel the effects. So can my kids. They have been moody, cranky and restless too. I’m not sure if they are feeding off my energy or their own, but we are all fit to be tied.

I thought I had reached my low point on Friday evening, as I crawled across the 401 to a hockey game in the west end of the city. Traffic was a nightmare and my two cranky, demanding kids set me off. I spent an hour close to tears, yelling at the kids in the backseat, using profanity that would make a sailor blush and threatening to divorce the lot of them, Dean included (he got the Coles Notes version of my breakdown once we got to the rink).

This was it. I didn’t think it could get much worse. My plan was to watch the game and head strait home, not passing GO or collecting $200, to have a glass of much-needed wine (OK, two glasses) and call it a week. Fate wanted me to reach rock bottom first.

So instead of heading home, I got rear-ended as I turned into the off ramp at Kennedy Road. One very cold hour, two tow trucks and a police car later, I made it off the highway to Pet Smart for cat food and got Bronwyn and me home for those two (now three – I was dealing with Trauma with a capital T people) glasses of wine. One of those glasses was for the kid who hit me – my tank of a truck sustained very little damage, but his little Lexus has a broken grill and a scrunched up hood. And it was his fault so he will have to pay to get both vehicles fixed. Ouch for him.

I’ve decided that I am going to give myself until I’m done writing this post to wallow in my avalanche of misery and them I’m going to have a long hot shower, wash away all this bad energy and embrace the good in my life.

It’s my birthday, dammit, and even though I can cry if I want to, I’d rather laugh.

Happy 40th Birthday to me!
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